We sense life is a dark comedy & maybe we can live with that. However, because the whole thing is written for the entertainment of the Gods,too many of the jokes go right over our heads.
Experience is
what you got by not having it when you need it!
Drag
the Joneses down to your level. It's cheaper.
When
you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
If you
think nobody cares, miss a couple of payments!
Duct tape is like the
Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the
Universe together.
When you're run down,
the best thing to take is the licence number.
Complex
problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
Heck was created for
those who refuse to believe in Gosh.
Three can keep a secret,
if two are dead.
Don't hate yourself in
the morning--sleep 'till noon.
After
things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat
A man who smiles when
things go wrong knows who to blame.
Don't use a big word
where a diminutive word will suffice.
There are four kinds of
homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable and praiseworthy!
Think
of yourself as the body at an Irish wake, They need you in order
to have the party, but no one expects you to say very much.
I refuse to have a
battle of wits with an unarmed person
I wish I was like you:
easily amused.
Anyone who isn't
confused really doesn't understand the situation
I
was drowning my sorrows, but my sorrows, they learned to swim.
Madness takes it's toll;
please have exact change
Okay, who stopped the
payment on my reality check?
Jesus died for my sins
and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
I
said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
Ask me about microwaving
cats for fun and profit.
If at first you do
succeed, try not to look too astonished.
Jesus is coming,
everyone look busy.
The
problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The trouble with getting
a life is making the payments.
Out of my mind...be back
in five minutes.
Did you hear about the
dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if
there really is a Dog?
Talk
is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
The problem with reality
is the lack of background music.
24 hours in a day ... 24
beers in a case...Coincidence???
Remember: 'i' before
'e', except in Budweiser.
